Update on my personal life, things didn't necessarily go any better for me though there have been some improvements like finally getting a room for myself, still lacks electricity for now but we're working on it, and recently I just didn't feel like creating much, because I was focusing on my girlfriend

Grace, to make it clear

We had been together for 4 years up until that point, but our entire relationship turned sour due to a pretty insignificant argument that was more just a matter of opinion, one she felt very strongly about and it sparked an un wanted argument in which she said pretty insulting things to me, and I ended up returning them back to her

Long story short, she could not get over it this entire year, and I was stuck trying to please her after the fact, and convince her I wasn't the type of person she was now convinced I was and couldn't let go of, it sounds dumb that I would do that but Grace already had many mental struggles I was helping her out with, and she never claimed to not love me or anything she even felt really bad for not being able to let go, which kept me trying and trying and trying

But I eventually realized she didn't have any hopes of forgiving me, to her this was already a lost cause, something I could never live down nor make up for no matter what I do, and she was just trying because I would beg her to, and that's why we wouldn't progress, if she didn't feel it within her heart to forgive me, she wasn't going to, ever

So with a heavy heart I asked her to at least let me go then, to try and carry on with my life, and for her to hopefully find someone better than me, which she already had many proponents, despite her insecurities about her image, I barely have friends, and in the end she just cussed me out, telling me not to ever claim to have cared for her or love her, because I was clearly selfish and only leaving her for my own gain and that she sacrificed way more than I did

and so it started by saving her from suicide, to being nearly pushed to suicide and then cussed out and told I never cared

If there's one thing I haven't lost lately, is hope